When I started out this series last week I was wondering what topic I will conquer next. Then, as fate would have it, a friend of mine posted this on Facebook:
So, I texted my friend to find out what that post was all about (I smelled a good blog topic). And, indeed, I was correct. As it turns out two of the Bridesmaids were engaged in a bitter battle in which one posted on the others Facebook wall an image of her butt prompting the other Bridesmaid to:
And, therein, I found my next topic; Bridesmaid Wars and How to Avoid the Drama.
The details of what the Bridesmaids were fighting about are not important. I don’t’ even know if it was between the Bride and Bridesmaid or two warring women within the bridal party. It’s hard to admit it, but yes ladies, we are prone to over react and get emotional. Women are oft wrapped in, well drama. So, here are a few tips and trips that I think can help avoid a Bridesmaid meltdown that could lead to a wedding disaster.
- Choose your Bridesmaids wisely – The bridesmaids are supposed to be those women for which you have and can look to for support throughout your life (past, present and future). They are YOUR friends (some that happen to be family members). They are supposed to make your life easier. If you have a friend that often creates more drama than not, perhaps you don’t want to include them in your wedding party. If there are two women for which you are considering being in your wedding party that don’t get along, you may have to leave one or both of them out to avoid conflict. You can find other ways to include them in your day that that will lessen the likelihood of drama. (Like assigning them to do a reading perhaps).
- Carefully, and I mean CAREFULLY select your Maid of Honor – yes, this person should be your best friend, your rock. They should be the one that you can rely on to “keep the peace” and keep you sane during the entire process. She is the one that should rally the other Bridesmaids to the calls for help. So, if the person you are thinking about making the maid or matron of honor is a drama queen herself or tends to incite the drama, then you better think twice. If she is the one to often shirk her fair share of friendly duties (a.k.a a little lazy) you may reconsider her as a choice. You want a level head at the helm. Afraid to offend by not asking her; use the old standby; choose a family member (like a sister or cousin) that you know is reliable and blame it on the family for making you “obligated” to choose your cousin or sister. Then assign that best friend some tasks that she can do to help you and will make her feel needed. This leads me to my #3 suggestion.
- Can’t choose who your “bestest” is make them ALL important – who says you can only have one maid of honor? If you are one of those girls that have a lot of close gal pals, then make them ALL your maid of honor by taking the responsibilities and assigning them to each of your bridesmaids so that they all feel important. This may actually be a relief and take the pressure off one person. And, assign those tasks based on what each of your friends are best at. Give the most reliable person the tasks that are more critical, and the less reliable with the less critical tasks. It will make it easier and more enjoyable for them as well as more comfortable for you!
- When you ask, tell them what you expect or don’t expect from them – Being a bridesmaid can sometimes be nerve wracking. Some don’t like talking in public and may not want to make the “speech”. If you know the person you selected is shy, then make sure they know that they are not obligated to speak in front of all the guests. Here is a great list of Bridesmaids duties from The Knot for which you can draw your “ I need help list” when you ask someone to be your Bridesmaid. This list also comes in handy with suggestion #3.
- Give them the option of NOT accepting with NO hurt feelings! – Sometimes, being a Bridesmaid and/or a maid of honor is just expensive and the person may not be in a position to take on that kind of responsibility (buying a certain dress, paying for the certain things, etc.). This happened to a Bride of mine two years ago who had asked a friend, who clearly couldn’t afford it, to be the Maid of Honor. Rather than telling the Bride, she shirked on a lot of the responsibility, stalled on getting the dress and other items adding to the Bride’s stress level. In the end, the Maid of Honor bowed out of doing the wedding and as a result there were hurt feelings and the friendship went south. It might have been better for their friendship to have that conversation up front. The movie Bridesmaid perfectly illustrated how money can sometimes thwart a Bridesmaid that wants to be a part of it all but simply can’t really afford to be.
- Keep your Bridal Party Small – a sure way to avoid the potential for too much drama is to limit the size of your Bridal party by choosing one maid of honor and one best man. Just keep it small. Twelve is usually the max, but having such a large party raises the chances of having clashing personalities.
- Keep an open line of communication with your Bridesmaids – while the wedding is all about you, sometimes there are things going on in your Bridesmaids life that may be affecting their mood etc. If one of your bridesmaids is not enjoying themselves, ask them why. You may have to dig a little. Maybe they are having second thoughts about standing in front of everyone, or they are having a problem meeting the obligation they originally committed to. If they need to bow out after they have already accepted, give them the opportunity without hurt feelings. Not wanting to be in the wedding party may have nothing to do with personal feelings toward you but their circumstances.
So, I hope you have found my tips & suggestions on choosing Bridesmaids helpful. Remember, the wedding lasts only one day ,a year if you include the lead up, but you want your friendships to last a lifetime.
Do you have a wedding day disaster that you would like to share and see me blog about? Please email us or leave a comment below and your story could be the topic of the next Avoiding Wedding Day Disaster series!