We’ve all heard about Bridezillas. They even have their own TV show. But Momzillas are just as bad, if not worse, than a Bridezilla. This could be your very own mom, who wants to have HER dream wedding she never had or your future mother-in-law that you don’t quite get along with or that has her own vision for your wedding day. Dealing with these moms is not easy. There are expectations and potential to hurt feelings or to alienate. No one wants to start out their marriage or have that hanging over them on their wedding day. So, how do you avoid that drama?
Often times Momzilla’s just don’t randomly appear. You know your mom and your fiancé knows his mom, so you know the potential for any drama that may circulate around them. While you know the potential for a zilla, the actual behavior can sneak up on you. Here is some advice in how to nip it in the bud before it starts and what to do after it starts;
- Before you start planning the wedding, talk to each other about what you want – Some women have dreamt of their wedding their entire lives, others have not. Most men haven’t. It is very important that you sit down with each other and decide what you want and what you don’t want for your day. Make a list and rate how important each of the items are to you and your fiancé. If you’re clear, then it leaves little room for “suggestions” that could potentially be the exact opposite of what you want. This can help avoid the turn down of ideas that may offend.
- Share your decisions with your family. So, you’ve agreed to things and shaped your day together by agreeing to what you want or don’t want to happen. Now, you need to make it clear to your parents what you want and that you talked it over and worked it out together . Stress the importance of all of this to them. It is important that you take a united front and not waiver. If, under a moment of pressure when you have been cornered by a Momzilla, you feel the urge to cave, discuss it with your significant other before you show the crack in the seam to the momzilla.
- Don’t immediately say no to input from Momzilla . Your knee-jerk reaction to what you deem to be interference is to say a quick no. That no might put the Momzilla on the defensive. My suggestion; tell the buttinsky Mom that it sounds lovely, that you will think about it, talk it over with your fiancé, and get back to her. Then, do just that. Give her input some careful consideration, talk it over with your fiancé and , if it doesn’t fit into your day as you envisioned it, tell her , as gently as you can, that you appreciate the suggestion but that it just doesn’t fit in with how you have shaped your day or into your vision.
- Be willing to compromise a little. This is a big day for your parents too. Some have probably dreamt about this day since you were born or even before. If the request from the Mom is not too outrageous, then make the compromise. It will make the mom happy. And, if it’s your mother-in-law that is interjecting ideas, it will win you points and lay the foundation for a solid relationship with her. Compromising might be a little more necessary in circumstances in which the parent is footing the bill.
- If she’s getting too crazy, let her know gently. Sometimes it builds up and you just want to explode. But, if your mom or mother- in- law to be is causing you stress, take her out to lunch or sit her down and tell her calmly. Don’t do it in a fit of anger because you don’t want to say anything you’ll regret later. Tell her what you are willing to compromise on, but also lay your foot down where it is really important to you. Tell her you love her ideas and that you’ll incorporate some (if you really intend to), but that you and your fiancé have your own vision of your day.
- If she is super insistent, and it’s all too much for you to fight, just suck it up and let bygones be bygones. I know you shouldn’t have to, but think about your future. If it’s your mom, this is par for the course and you know best how to deal with her (rebel or give in for peace sake). If it’s your future mother in law, think about the rest of your life as a couple. There are things you’ll absolutely have to put your foot down about in the future (like when it comes to your kids, etc.) But, is this one of them? It might be better to appease the dragon, than slay it on this one.
The most important thing out of all of this is that you and your fiancé be on the same page at all times. After all, two is better than 1, right? Remember that your momzillas love you and just want you to have the best day possible. It may not seem that way, but it does come from that place of love.
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